Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
