Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize