hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
