maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
