Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize