Me too!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
