How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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