I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
