i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
