and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
