You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize