you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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