So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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