this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize