I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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