You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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