If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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