fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
