I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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