the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
