Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
