your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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