He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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