hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
