and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
