dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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