wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
