I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
