I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize