Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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