I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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