He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
