I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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