Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
