friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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