"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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