I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
