Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
