The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize