i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
