when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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