hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
