Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
