The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
