I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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