Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
