She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
