all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
