when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
