Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
