Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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