After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had sex on a dog bed..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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