the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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