eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
