I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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