Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
