I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
