i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
