A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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