New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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