Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
