Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
