You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
