How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
