yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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