you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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