everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
