I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
