I am in a vortex of obligation.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
