Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
