i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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