I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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