I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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