He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
