he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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