i think my mom watched the whole time
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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