when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
