We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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